De Volkskrant went to tinker with Marianne Zwagerman’s stoma on Saturday, until the tube popped out and the dirty sludge from her abdomen ran over the pages. The result was that all Volkskrant readers simultaneously started to say that their newspaper smelled enormously, because that is of course a wonderfully homogeneous group.
Was this really necessary?
De Volkskrant is like a boat, when they threaten to lean to one side, someone suddenly gives a strange swing at the helm. Just counter the criticism that ‘the other side’ never speaks. A few weeks ago psychiatrist Esther van Fenema – “Empathy can harm society” -, Saturday Marianne Zwagerman, if they also invite PVV senator Marjolein Faber and crop circle expert Janet Ossebaard in the near future, the quartet of narrow-right wives is in any case neat played out.
Back to Marianne Zwagerman, a businesswoman who has been calling herself a columnist and writer for a few years now and who thinks you’re doing the right thing as long as you say things as firmly as possible. Her claim to fame was the term “dry wood” she introduced in April, meaning all sick-weak-nauseated and elderly. A group of which she wondered whether we should let the economy suffer for that.
It was of course in the choice of words, in ‘arid wood’. People found this offensive, reason for Marianne to repeat ad nauseam that the dry wood had to be cut. Proud, as if it were a literary gem. In her head she was finally the flywheel around which the social debate revolves. In her columns for The Telegraph and BNR Nieuwsradio made them rant even more. It was reminiscent of an old woman who calls up everything from the bottom of the well, but only ‘dry wood’ was received.
The reason for the interview was her ‘dry wood’ statement.
The woman with the three breasts was allowed to re-enter the stage in the tent at the fair. Just unbutton her bra.
“Dry wood! Dry wood! Dry wood! ”
“Can you say that again, preferably with an addition?”
“Sure enough: ‘We will continue with fresh twigs.'”
This weekend, messages appeared on Twitter from people who also consider themselves dry wood. In my area I also have a few for whom Marianne Zwagerman does not want to postpone a presentation yet. They see a woman with zero empathy, who is not afraid to use her sick father to justify herself. “Look, I have a feeling too, I drive around with my sick father of 75. He is dry wood too, but he agrees with me!”
Everything that comes out of Marianne Zwagerman’s abdomen stinks, sometimes there is a fart in between that she herself likes to smell.
Marcel van Roosmalen writes an exchange column with Ellen Deckwitz at this place.
A version of this article also appeared in nrc.next on August 10, 2020