Coronavirus in Lombardy, the message of Ats Milano. Telephone jokes Gramellini’s coffee


A few nights ago, on the phone of several Milanese, a message from the always reliable Lombard health came: Ats Milano. Dear Ms / Ms, you are coronavirus case contact. The first shock was syntactic. It is probable that the author of the text intended to write: You came into contact with a coronavirus positive person. And for sure he would have written it, if he had known Italian: a requirement that rarely required, at least in Italy. Having decreed the fatal information in some way, the recipient learned that he had to retire in quarantine, with the obligation not to put his masked nose outside the house and to minimize the rubbish with the cohabitants. At that point his gaze will have slipped to the bottom of the message, looking for a phone number. Never has the effort been more vain: when they want, public bodies know how to be reserved.

We can only imagine the night of that poor wretch, caught between head and neck by such news: he spent it barricaded in the closet, thinking about the close encounters of the last few weeks with his thoughts and appeasing the anxious and demanding spouse. Senonch the day after Ats Milano – where a department for telephone jokes or, worse, a laboratory to test the Immuni app could be hidden – sent another message: Computer error, we apologize for the inconvenience. Imagine, it could have happened to anyone.
And it always happens to them.

May 29, 2020, 6:54 am – modified May 29, 2020 | 06:54

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